If you are a vegan or love animals far too much, do not read further. Goodbye!

I have an idea about the roosters and their call. It sounds like “Happy New Year,” but its February for crying out loud.

I met one yesterday at Mana’e Goods & Grindz while eating a nice lunch. He liked the french fries that I tossed to him as he waited at my feet. That gave me an idea.

I hold no grudges against the humble rooster but find that their sleeping schedule does not match mine very well. I intend to solve this problem.

I have seen men try to catch roosters and chickens before. I lived in the country myself at one time, long ago. I have a better idea.

I will drag my best chair into the yard and turn my longest shoelace into a noose while sunning myself under the beautiful Hawaiian sky and place the loop on the grass.

I will set comfortably in my chair admiring the beautiful local scenery and wait, pretending not to notice him.

I will lay a large french fry in the center of the noose and pretend to be uninterested in this sly rooster nearby. His brain is no bigger than my thumb nail, by the way. He is cunning after all, but so am I.

As soon as he places his head in my noose, he will be mine.

You might think roosters may be on the tough side, but after a few days simmering I think it will be fine. I picked up a cook book yesterday in the market.

While I am touring this beautiful island, I will have dinner simmering on the stove in my hotel room.

Please remember to be nice to everyone today, they may be your cousin, especially here on the islands.

Dinner is at six tomorrow by the way. Just bring yourself, we will have plenty.